Doing just enough to get by
It’s 2017 and if you haven’t botched the year already, don’t fret, there’s still plenty of time to totally mess it up. By now, you’ve already read the litany of top 10’s telling us how to make this the greatest year ever. But let’s be real… Odds are, by now, most of you have already blown that diet, missed a few workouts, or kicked the dog for no good reason. So here we are. Just a few days into the new year. Now what? If you have no plans to make this a banner year, if you just want to stay under the radar at work and not overdo it too much, or if you just want to do enough to keep the paychecks rolling in while not getting fired, then continue reading.
Here’s our top 10 ways to continue doing just enough to get by and making this another year of mediocrity in your working world.
1. Keep your mobile phone nearby at all times
Whether it’s texting friends and family during a meeting or calling your BFF to discuss the latest news on TMZ, aside from meeting with customers, the phone is your connection to the outside world. Don’t let some idiot manager or executive convince you that your phone is to be put away during work hours. If you get fired for using your phone, maybe you could sue… a win-win.
2. Maintain a proper work/life balance
You have rights! Just because you’re at work doesn’t mean you don’t have a right to take care of as much personal business as needed in order to avoid bringing work or errands home. The proper balance is keeping work at work, errands at work, and freeing up as much “you” time as possible when you’re not at work.
3. Gossip to keep the lines of communication open
Everyone complains that their organization needs better communication and at the same time they tell you not to gossip. This makes no sense! We all know that the best line of communication in any company is the grapevine. If you’re not participating in the gossip, you’ll miss out on pretty much anything of interest that goes on at work.
4. Show up late for meetings
This is really about time management. We all know meetings never start on time and lots of others are usually late too, so why knock yourself out to show up on time or even worse, show up early. When you show up late it sets the tone of who’s in control of your life. You must never let your boss think she’s in control! If you give her an inch now, she’ll end up taking a mile later.
5. Fight for the status quo
Always remember that when leadership sets a vision for the coming year or a new program is introduced, it usually means more work for you. Fight all new ideas and initiatives as if your stress-free life depends on it. In reality, it kind of does! Innovations, initiatives, programs, etc. are all code for more work and disrupting the comfort zone. The status quo must be maintained at all costs.
6. Always question successful coworkers
Successful coworkers do nothing more than show your so-called manager that you aren’t doing as much as you really could. This is not a good thing. If it’s sales, question the legitimacy of the successful employee’s sales. Spread vicious rumors if needed (this is where that grapevine, in point #3, comes in handy). We’re serious, you cannot allow any employees to think that showing you up and going above and beyond for customers or the organization is something that is ok. It’s not and it should never be tolerated.
7. Complain about anything and everything and never offer solutions
If you complain long enough and loud enough you’ll eventually wear down most managers. If you offer solutions to your complaints, you’ll only create more work for yourself and no one wants that. We’re also pretty sure we saw a recent survey stating that complaints are one of the top 5 stress relievers at work. It’s a good way to let off steam.
8. Smile when your boss is looking
Everyone knows the boss is the enemy. He’s there to make you do stuff and can probably fire you if he wanted. With this in mind, be smart and always smile to his face and save the eye rolling and laughing at his incompetence for those times when he’s not looking. Let him think you’re on board with the agenda but be sure to let your like-minded coworkers know that the inmates, that would be you, are running the asylum.
9. Learn the phraseology
It’s not what you do that defines you, it’s what you say… right? Regardless, learn the phrases that will give the powers that be a sense that you actually care while at the same time moving decisions down the road. This is key to avoiding extra work and disruptive changes. Here are a few of our favorites, but don’t be afraid to get creative!
- “Let’s set up a committee to look further into this”
- “We’ll just have to agree to disagree”
- “There are two sides to every story”
10. Avoid setting goals at all costs
Goals create expectations and accountability. Don’t allow yourself to be put into this box. Maintain your individuality and your right to define who you are as an employee. Goals do nothing more than create winners and losers and we should know by now that we are all winners!
Excellence is overrated
We’re having a little fun with these 10 things but if you’re really excited about this list we wish you a lot of luck this year, you’re going to need it. Our opinion is that if you have to work you might as well make the most of it and do it with excellence. If you can’t, then find a job that you can get excited about because life’s too short. However, if you really want to turn things around this year, try implementing one or two positive changes. Don’t know where to start? We would highly recommend the following:
Book: Linchpin by Seth Godin
Article: Are You A “Net Gain” Or A “Net Drain”?
Article: You Can’t Fix Lazy, Crazy, and Stupid
If all else fails… Google it! There are tons of great articles that can help out.
