Have you ever been de-friended on Facebook or even worse, blocked? I have and it’s actually kind of funny and sad at the same time. How about being given the silent treatment? Have you gotten into an email war where you keep upping the stakes of insults and innuendo with a coworker because you are right and you’re going to get the last word? Or maybe you heard that a so-called friend said something to your other friend’s friend about that thing you did to that other guy’s boss’s, coworker’s friend. If you’re exhausted reading this and wonder why you even wasted the time so far then you’re beginning to understand what it’s like when adults act like they’re in high school again. Whether it’s at work or in personal situations, more time is wasted speaking one’s peace or claiming it’s my “right” to say what’s on my mind. Even more time is wasted responding to such nonsense. As my partner, Nolan Knight, tells his kids… “Drama belongs in the Bahamas”. Thinking adults don’t behave this way? Think again. It’s pretty common. Just check out Facebook, twitter and other public forums… or maybe even your own email inbox or recent text messages.
As you think about the drama that you’ve started, tried to defend yourself against or tried to put a stop to and trace it’s origins, think about the amount of time that was wasted and the costs of being unproductive. Think about the costs of improper communication in the workplace such as gossip (listening to gossip is also gossip), not following the chain of command and giving out “hot potatoes”, i.e., I want to tell you something but you have to promise not to tell anyone else. These kinds of things will kill relationships and destroy productivity in any organization.
Solution… Stop it! Take a mature approach to communication with a few simple steps.
- Have a sense of proportion – Avoid using the terms “never” and “always”. (He never does this and she always does that… really?) Don’t expect the world to stop in order to solve your issue. More than likely, your issues aren’t any more important or urgent than everyone else’s.
- Timely and direct problem solving – Go to the source without delay. If you’re told that “someone” said or “they” say, get to the source… who is “someone” and who are “they”?
- Be approachable and coachable – This is a basis of sharing and receiving openly. Be able to receive advice or direction. Understand that you don’t have all the answers and you might, on occasion, be wrong. If you’re not coachable, you’re not getting better so you have to be getting worse. Something to think about.
